“One of the hardest things to live with in any relationship is criticism, real or implied. Yet some husbands and wives demand sharply, “Why in the world did you do that?” or “I wouldn’t have done it that way!” or “We don’t do it that way where I come from!” or “That was a dumb thing to say.” Repeated criticisms of this negative and acid nature can wear away the bonds of love until the marital fabric is weakened and ruined—with sad results for both parties.” –Elder Robert D Wells SM pg 287
This quote brought to mind the whole attitude and social way of my extended family, all my life I have seen as they, mostly my uncles, tear down and make fun of everyone in both joking and serious times. It is something that I have kind of picked up and have done with my brothers and it is very hard for me to stop and restrain myself from doing the same thing. I hope to remove this criticizing nature from myself so that when I get married it will not be part of my marriage.
Hi, Charles! I just came across this blog and have been reading through your (impressive and enlightening) posts. I wanted to commend you on your recognition and acknowledgement of these issues, and your desire to change those things which bring negativity into your life and those around you. This nasty cycle of criticism, harsh judgement, and downright meanness, displayed mostly, as you point out, by several of the members of the Bake family, is a cycle that can and definitely should be broken. It has no place in a strong and healthy marriage, and definitely not in a Celestial marriage. Your uncle Chris and I have had many talks concerning this very issue, and it is something I have a hard time dealing with as an in-law, not coming from a background where that type of negative and obnoxious interaction is acceptable or commonly instigated. I am thankful that my husband has chosen also to break that cycle of negativity, though not a perfect person, he recognizes that belittling and criticizing others in a cruel and crass way does not bring out the best in people, and in fact only perpetuates the same behaviour. It is a self-preservation mechanism displaying the ugliest of insecurities, and those who treat others the way we know some can (and I know you know exactly who I'm talking about), are obviously not only insecure and immature, but not living their lives in accordance with what we (and they) know deep down to be true and righteous. Those who live their lives so as to have peace of mind, conscience and the companionship of the Holy Spirit, don't treat others that way.
ReplyDeleteI could go on and on on this issue, but I mainly wanted to say to you that Chris and I are proud of you and the good person you have become. I would say that a lot of the fine character you are showing is just one of the fruits of the time you served as a missionary, but I know there's more to it than that. Keep up the good work and continue to stay strong in your convictions, and you will find a wonderful girl to share your life with. The right one will be drawn to you as you stay true to what you know to be right and good.